Saturday, October 23, 2010
School is kicking my butt this semester. My grades are decent enough, from what I know, but it's a bit overwhelming. I just never have enough time for anything. I keep putting off getting Cole's hair cut even though it badly needs it because I either don't have the time or don't have the money. It's frustrating. I have a few big papers and projects coming up and I am scared to death of them.
I also have a very long drive to southern California coming up the weekend after Thanksgiving that scares the shit out of me. 10-month-olds don't do very well on long car trips in general and Cole doesn't do well in cars. It's a month away and I am so, so nervous about this. I'm going to be in a wedding and I am also really nervous about how Cole will do during the wedding. I may end up having to hold him during the ceremony. Boy I hope it's a short one! The only other person Cole knows really well that will be there is also in the wedding. He's generally OK when it comes to strangers, but I am usually right there so he can go back to me if he gets nervous. Gah!!! I'm going to have to do most of the driving, too, so it's going to be an exhausting trip. The worst part is that I have to go to school the next day after we get back. Waaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!! I want so badly to be able to look forward to this wedding but I am absolutely dreading it. I can't say I am not able to go because that means my friend who is also in the wedding won't be able to go either unless she flies which she can't afford to do (neither can I, which is why we're driving). I hate, hate, hate that I am dreading one of my best friend's wedding and I feel like such a bad friend for it. Leaving Cole at home really isn't a good option because he won't sleep without me there which means G won't either. Plus I would have to pump like crazy to make sure there was enough milk for him and I would have to pump while I was in So Cal and I don't have any good way to store that milk. So it would basically end up being even more work to not bring Cole and just as stressful. We'll get through it and then it will be over with. *sigh*
Friday, September 3, 2010
School started last week. but this week was my first full week of school. Mondays are the hardest because I'm in school for 8 hours and I really hate being away from Cole for so long. I have been so spoiled being able to be with him so much. I don't know how working mothers do it 5 days a week. My friend K is taking care of him which makes me feel tons better, but on Monday afternoon he was crying when I called to check in on them and it made me cry. I just wanted to leave school and go to him. I'm so glad I have this Monday off for Labor Day! It will get better, though, I'm sure. It is nice to be back on campus. Taking on-line classes is actually a lot harder in some ways. Plus, being on campus around other adults is good for me. I am taking an aerobics class which I love even though it's been kicking my butt so far. I sure hope it helps me lose some more of this baby weight!
I have finally started to be able to get Cole to soothe himself asleep again. It was hit and miss for awhile but he has been increasingly difficult to rock or nurse to sleep so I had little choice but to find another way. He actually just fell asleep for his morning nap. I have him on a slightly more consistent routine than I had been doing before which I think helps immensely. I was not consistent enough with our routine before and I know that made it harder for him to be able to get to sleep. Having a school schedule already in place helps me a lot with that.
Cole turns 8 months in a couple of weeks. He can do an army crawl really well. His movements are becoming a lot more organized into a cross-crawl patter even though he isn't up on his hands and knees yet. When he first started the army or belly crawl he would push mostly with one leg while the other dragged behind a little bit. Now he uses both legs and arms equally. I have heard about babies staying with the belly crawl and never moving to a standard crawl. I don't know if that's what Cole will do or not but it seems to me like he is progressing to a standard crawl. I have a feeling that in the next month he will start to get up on his hands and knees.
He has had his bottom 2 teeth since the first week of July. He actually got his first tooth on our wedding anniversary - June 29th. He got his 2nd tooth exactly a week later. Now his top right tooth is trying to come through. I believe the bottom right was the first one to come through. So it is happening in a very orderly fashion. It feels like his tooth is right there ready to pop through the gums any minute, but it could also still have another week to go. Poor bubs. Between teething and the recent hot weather we've been getting it has been hard for him to sleep. Which means I haven't been getting very good sleep either. The weather is cooling down a bit which hopefully means better sleep for all. This warm weather is our summer, actually. Too bad summer starts when school starts back. :o( Oh well, at least we get some semblance of warm weather, right?
Anyway, some pics of Cole from August:
Here are a couple from the 6-month photo shoot we did at home:
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Again it has been way too long since I last did a blog post.Blogging is really hard with a baby! Cole's naps are usually so short and when he is sleeping I usually just want to veg on the computer and not do anything that requires thinking. At the moment he is fussing in his crib while I am sitting here hoping he will fall asleep on his own. In June I had him successfully falling asleep on his own for naps. But in the last weekend of June I went to San Diego for my uncle's wedding and that totally threw the nap routine out the window. He started rolling over regularly both ways while in San Diego and I think that new found ability has a big effect on his ability to fall asleep. We caught a cold from my dad and I think that also had an effect. Cole turned 6 months on Tuesday. I cannot believe that it has already been half a year. With turning 6 months he now is developing separation anxiety which is also making nap time more difficult. Just had to go in and soothe him because he was getting too upset. I hate how easy it is to disrupt a good routine. The rest of the month is probably a lost cause as far as naps go. Next week Cole has his 6 month well baby check and shots. So that will probably make him extra fussy and cranky. There is a very small chance that the shots will make him a little sleepier and will help but I am not counting on it. Then the following week We will be staying at my friend's house while some other friends come in to town to stay there too. Chances are we will not have any decent nap routine during that week. It almost makes me want to shut myself up in my home and never go anywhere because I have to deal with the consequences of it for weeks afterward. I know that there is the possibility that his nap routine would have gotten screwed up anyway. But it still sucks. How can I ever get him to learn to soothe himself? He needs more sleep and I need that extra time to myself. Oh well, enough about that for now.
Here is a fairly recent pic. I need to upload more pics from the camera.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I can't believe I have posted since Cole was a month old. Now he is 3.5 months old. He will be 16 weeks tomorrow. It's amazing how fast these past couple of months have flown by! We went to San Diego when Cole turned 2 months to visit my family. My sister flew to SD from Texas so she could see her nephew too. That month between 2 months a 3 months really went by quickly. At 11 weeks (on April Fool's Day!) Cole laughed for the first time. His laugh is the cutest most magical sound, ever! He has rolled over a couple of times on his own but isn't doing it regularly yet. He loves to "talk" to us. His daddy is his hero. Cole watches him wherever he is in the room and just beams at him when he sees him. It is sooo cute. Now that classes are almost over I'm hoping I can keep better track of everything that is happening with him on here.
G and I got into it the other day about various stuff, us not giving each other enough support and attention, or at least not the kind we want. I've been having trouble dealing with my hormones. I was thinking it's PPD ( it still might be) but I just got my first postpartum af on Sunday so now I'm wondering if that's what it was. Ironically I got af on May 2nd and on May 1st last year is when I got the + pregnancy test that got me Cole. I was so disappointed about getting af, though, because I am exclusively breastfeeding. I wanted to be one of those women who go for a year or more after giving birth before getting their first postpartum af. Oh well. I did have a feeling deep down that I would not be that lucky.
Gotta post some pics of Cole:
Friday, February 19, 2010
Cole turned one month last Saturday. It's been crazy! I have the rare chance of having both hands free to post this. Don't have much time, though because I need to get him up. He's been sleeping awhile, which is rare, but I want him to be able to sleep tonight too! I have to say - motherhood is the most challenging but most wonderful thing I have ever done in my life!! Cole was diagnosed with reflux a few weeks ago but he seems to be doing much better now. I hope we can go off the reflux meds soon. He's growing so fast, it's crazy!! At his one month appointment Tuesday he weighed 10 lbs 10 oz and was 21.5 inches long. I can't remember his head circumference, but the doc said his length is just above the 50th percentile and his head size is in the 75th percentile. So my little man has a big head! No surprise there. He takes after his dad in that and so many other ways. He smiled for the first time at 3 weeks for his doctor when we were there for his reflux issue. The doc said she was putting that in his chart because he's advanced. I was such a proud mommy at that moment! I'm so glad we get blessed with those smiles because he can be quite a challenging baby. He's already starting to get better but he does not like to be put down hardly ever. I don't mind wearing him most of the time, but it is hard to get somethings done while he's attached to me, like eating or going to the bathroom. I just hope that I am helping him have a secure emotional attachment to us so that he doesn't feel the need to be attached to me physically all the time. Well, better go now. Hopefully I will find some time to write more later.
Oh, here's a pic of Cole from Saturday:
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I was scheduled for induction at 7 pm Tuesday night. DH, and my two best friends went with me to get the party started. I was lucky and got the nicest birthing room on the floor. It was quite spacious and had a bath tub, which I was very happy about. Too bad I never actually got to use the bath tub. They started me off with misoprostal Tuesday night. It did help me progress and dilate me but very, very slowly. The doctor broke my water the following morning to see if that would help me progress any faster. It didn't. I was given the pitocin drip at 11 am Wednesday morning. They started me off at 1 and I handled the contractions fine. Then they increased me to a 3. Shortly after that the cx were overwhelmingly strong. It was nothing like I had ever experienced in my life. I realized after 4 or 5 really strong cx that were close together that there was no way I was going to last another 6-8 hours with that kind of pain. That's when I ordered the epidural. That was a wonderful relief, even if I was a little disappointed that I would not be having the med-free birth I had envisioned. Turned out it was a good thing I had done the epidural.
Once I was finally fully dilated I started pushing. I pushed for an hour but made no progress at all. His head just could not get past my pelvic bones. There was a point when dh and my 2 bff's could see his hair, but he just would not go any further. Not only that but his heart kept deceling with the contractions, especially if I laid on either side. After that hour of pushing the doc came back in and told us that it was time to do a c-section. They were concerned about the decels and did not believe I was going to progress any further than I had.
When I got the news I was so disappointed. I so very much did not want to have a c-section. It took me awhile to compose myself. They told me what to expect, and the doctor told my dad and step-mom for us because I didn't want dh to leave my side. They wheeled me in in to the operating room once it became available and started prepping me. The anesthesiologist was telling funny stories while he was doing his thing which helped me immensely. Once I was all prepped, they brought dh in and started the c-section. Oh boy was that uncomfortable. All the pushing and tugging and pressure I felt floored me. I kept my eyes closed almost the whole time just so I could cope with what was happening to my body. When they were ready to pull the baby out, I opened my eyes to watch dh's face. They had asked him if he wanted to watch while they pulled him out and he said yes, to my surprise. He is normally a bit squeamish when it comes to stuff like that. First I heard them say he had a big head and dh's eyes got really wide. He said "Wow! He really does have a big head! That's a big head!" I then heard the doctors say something about nuchal cord. Turns out the cord was wrapped around Cole's neck twice. They showed him to me very quickly over the curtain but I wasn't able to touch him yet. His cry, though, was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard in my life. They asked dh if he wanted to cut the cord but he declined. He said his hands were too shaky. They cleaned him and wrapped him in a blanket, then they brought him over to me and laid his head on my shoulder.I was immediately in love and was sad I couldn't hold him for awhile. I was shaking so bad from the everything I couldn't have held him anyway. They wheeled me away to the recovery room where I needed more pain meds and something (morphine, I think) to help with the shaking. After awhile I was able to drift off to sleep for a couple of hours. DH brought Cole into the recovery room for me to spend time with him before I was brought up to the post-partum room for the rest of my stay. I was not allowed to have him room-in with me that first night because of my catheter and epidural, but the next night and the rest of my stay I did. We came home with him Sunday. We were (and are) both so in love. It was such an amazing and overwhelming experience.
Cole right after birth:
With me in postpartum:
Snuggling with Daddy:
First day home, holding his godmother's finger:
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I can't believe I'm here. I have arrived at my due date and Baby Cole is still kicking and rolling and doing whatever it is he does in there. My closest loved ones call me every day to ask how I'm doing or how I'm feeling, if I think he will be here soon. On the one hand, I love that they are all nearly as eager as I am. On the other hand, it's driving me bat shit crazy! Poor G is going crazy himself, wondering when this is going to happen. He likes his life to be nice and predictable. Having to be in this wait and see place is nearly torture for him. If I don't go into labor before then, my next appointment is on Thursday. I will discuss scheduling an induction with the doc then. The nurse told me last week that they won't let me go longer than 10 days past my due date. So at the very latest Cole will be here by the 16th or 17th, depending on what time the induction is scheduled and how long labor takes. I very much do not want to be induced, so anyone reading this, please send some good vibes/prayers that Cole makes his appearance before then. My sis is coming into town Thursday morning and leaving the following Tuesday. It would be nice if Cole is born while she's here.
Oh yeah, one piece of awesome news: I got straight A's this semester! I have never done that in my life! I was hooting and hollering and jumping for joy when I saw my grades posted online. And to think I did that while pregnant and not taking any meds. Hopefully that trend will continue for the spring semester with my online classes. If so, I can see staying off my meds for good. I recognize that due to past depression and anxiety I am at risk for postpartum depression and have told my ob as well as Cole pediatrician about it so they can check in with me. But I feel pretty good about it as of right now. I really hope I am able to stay off my meds. That would be great.
In other news, last Tuesday my cousin did a maternity photo shoot with me. I've only seen one of the photos so far and I am absolutely dying to see the rest. Anyway, hopefully my next post will be announcing Cole's arrival. My maternity pic is below: