So I did the 2nd IUI 2 weeks ago as of this Friday. I refuse to test before af is due to show. I'm waiting until 18 dpo to test since I've never made it that far. Plus I seriously hate HPT's now, and they obviously don't like me either. So I can and will wait. I don't need to see anymore negative tests. It's way too depressing.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I was not able to pretend nothing happened. Therefore I was not able to prevent the massive disappointment I felt when I saw this morning's BFN. It's 14 dpo, so the chances of me getting a positive are pretty fucking slim. I have so many mixed feelings. The biggest feeling is extreme hatred for my body right now. Why is it that so many crack whore bitches can get pregnant, but I can't because I drink caffeine? I want to try something other than clomid this next cycle. It feels wrong to have any hope at all. I am just so angry at myself for not being good enough. I knew there wasn't a high chance of it working th first time, but after so long, how could I not hope it would work? G told his family about the IUI and they put us on a prayer list. Now he gets to tll them it didn't work. I hope he doesn't tell them about future IUI's. I hate getting so excited about something that's probably not going to work. GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
I am so fucking upset about this right now and I really have no right to be. I should have expected this.