Be Careful What You Wish For

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

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I got to see my aunt Linda much sooner than I thought. This past weekend she took a turn for the worse and asked to see the family while she was still lucid enough to appreciate their visit. My dad called me and told me he was driving to see her today and it just so happened that I was off work Monday and Tuesday so I asked if I could join him. He flew me down to Ontario airport (my uncle who lives in Fremont was on the same flight) and we met my dad at the airport and drove to Kingman, AZ to see my aunt. I think the hardest part about the visit was seeing how sad my uncle Joe is. He's such a happy guy, always with a smile on his face. The tears he had in his eyes talking about my aunt broke my heart. As we were leaving, more family arrived. I could barely say hello and good-bye to them through my grief after saying goodbye to Aunt Linda. It's hard saying good-bye for the last time. My uncle Paul who was visiting her today before dropping my cousin off at college called my dad and told him she's doing a lot worse. She told Uncle Paul that she's done, she's ready. When my grandpa told my dad and I that last year, it was only 3 days later that he went. The only reason he made it that long was because of the oxygen they had him on at the hospital. Linda has a strict DNR order in place, and she's at home rather than the hospital, so it could be much sooner. If anyone reads this, please send her a prayer for comfort and peace. Thanks.

ETA: She passed at 9 pm this evening.

The End is Near

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Of summer, that is. School starts in just a couple of weeks. I'm registered for all of my classes. I'm taking a beginner's karate class. I'm so psyched! I'm also taking a metaphysics class that I'm really, really looking forward to. That kind of philosophy is right up my alley. At least my school schedule is fairly easy. Work is going to be...different. I've had virtually the same schedule for over a year now and that's all going to change when I start back to school. I'm really nervous about being able to make enough money during the semester, but I can't worry about it too much. I just need to let everything fall into place. What ever happens, happens and I will make it work one way or another. I just gotta keep telling myself that.

I found out recently that my aunt Linda has small-cell lung cancer. It's a very aggressive form of cancer and if it spreads there's pretty much no hope of survival. When she was diagnosed, they had found the cancer cells in her liver. Her doctors say she could potentially live for another year, but he thinks she has about 6 months or so. Right now my aunt has an upper respiratory infection and has swelling from water retention. She's feeling pretty awful and not up for any visitors. I hope she feels well enough for visitors soon. I'd really like a chance to see her one more time before she goes. If not, I will always value the time we were able to spend together last summer when my grandpa was dying, but I would much prefer to see her at least once more.

I'm now on my 35th cycle of trying to conceive. My doc wants me to get a few more blood tests done for prolactin, thyroid, and antibodies, I guess. If those all turn up normal, I think the next thing to do is talk about removing the polyp I have. I'm all for it. It's annoying that this polyp is making my periods longer. They used to last 4-5 days, now it's at least 7 days. I hate that. If I got pregnant this cycle, my due date would be on G's birthday. He would LOVE that. Of course there is no reason to believe I'd get pregnant this cycle, but who the hell knows? Weirder things have happened.

So my summer is coming to an end. I don't think I've read nearly enough fun books this summer. I'd like to read at least one more before school starts, maybe two. I'll squeeze every last drop out of summer vacation as much as I possibly can.