Ugh

I would like a day where things go smoothly and I am told "yes everything is all set, you can now move forward." This goes for both my fertility testing and knowing if I'm going to be able to get my associates degree and/or transfer to SF State in the fall. As of today, that is not what is happening. I still don't have the updated authorization from my insurance company for the fertility testing and I found out today that #1 I missed the deadline to hand in my petition for associates degree (it was March 7th) and #2 I am 1 credit short of having the 60 required credits to transfer to SFSU. I can take a shot term class this semester to get that extra credit. I can potentially still get the petition in and they might accept it. So these things aren't bad, but they are very, very annoying. Same with the authorization. I'm sure I'll get it, but why must I continue to wait so fucking long?! Why can't at least one of the important things in my life be settled and taken care of with no bumps? Oh yeah, all this on top of the fact that I'm having another chemical pregnancy miscarriage. Really great day. At least I got an A on my math test, right? Ugh, who cares.

Of course I can't express my feelings about this to my husband because he thinks I'm just being a negative nelly and won't really listen to what I'm saying. Why does he act like I'm not allowed to be frustrated about something? If something upsets me, he doesn't want to hear about it. He criticizes my reaction. I think it's perfectly natural to be annoyed and frustrated by this, even if it is my own fault.

I'm feeling rather alone and isolated lately. I can't relate very well to my friends lately and I don't even have time for them. So I can't talk about this to my friends, either. I guess that's why I have this blog. So I can the feelings out somehow.

Yes, We Are Trying to Torture You

In the beginning of December I started the process of getting fertility testing done since I've been trying to get pregnant for over 2 years now. I was told by my ob/gyn office that I need to get a letter from my GP doc who also G's doc and also an HIV specialist. The letter was to state that it is safe to use G's fresh sperm for testing and possible IUI and would include a copy of his recent blood test showing that his viral load is and had been undetectable for the past few years. It would also show the results of his sperm analysis so that we don't have to go through that again unnecessarily. G and I met with our doctor to have him do this on 12/8/07, but apparently the letter didn't get written until 1/20/08. The authorization I had received from my insurance company to allow the testing expired on 12/31/07. My ob/gyn office was supposed to call me when they received the letter from my GP but the never did. I kept forgetting to call and follow up until today, when they informed me about the authorization being expired. So I now I have to wait some MORE for this authorization to go through a second time. I am so fucking tired of waiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing gets done because you have to wait so fucking much! I know people are busy and have other things to do, but is it so much to ask to get a requested letter sent out in a timely fashion?! 3 months have been wasted because of this shit. It's ridiculous. It should not take this fucking long. I am so fucking sick of it!