Money Crap Sucks

G has been sulking all day because we got in this stupid fight this morning about money. It all started with the stupid dust pan. The last one we had sucked and was falling part. It wouldn't pick up anything and we really needed a new one but couldn't afford a good one. So I just picked on up at the dollar store. This one sucks too, but it works. G was yelling at me for buying it because he says it was a waste of money. I said it was better than not having one at all and I didn't see him going out and getting one. He said getting an equally crappy dustpan isn't better either. Then he started going about how I always waste 5 bucks here and 10 bucks there. So I said "Oh, right, it's better to waste 50 bucks at a time." I was referring to the $50 hair cuts he gets every other week. He got mad at me for throwing that in his face saying he's a grown man and works hard and that's the only he does that's not for us. But that's not true. He spends money on just himself more often than I do. He thinks that because he makes more money than me he's entitled to use more of it, regardless of whether we can afford it. He wants to act like we're equal partners when it comes to my money, but not his. Oh I don't know. I'm sure there are areas I could cut back, but I sure would like to see him cut back, too. I'm sorry but while I'm school, it's just not practical to get a $50 hair cut every other week. When I'm employed full-time, sure, but until then, why do I have to be the only one sacrificing? His problem is that he spent most of his life being a criminal so whenever he needed money he'd just go get it. Now he has to work for much less and it's hard. He's not used to not having whatever he wants. I've never had whatever I wanted. My whole life I've had to work hard to barely get by. I'm used to it. He better get used to it too, if he wants to stay married to me. He just needs to realize that life is not going to be easy financially until I'm out of school. That's just the way it is. Especially living in San Francisco.

I love this time of year. Summer is my favorite season. A few weeks ago I was griping about the cold windy weather saying I wanted my summer weather. Well, I sure got my wish! This past week has been absolutely gorgeous! Man I love this. I so needed it. I've had my infertility consult and have done my progesterone bloods. Now I'm just waiting for af to start any minute/day now so I can schedule my day 14 u/s and a hsg. My doc (Dr. K) said to also get some bloods done on cd 2 or 3 so I guess it depends on if one of those days happens on a day the lab is closed. If that doesn't matter I'll decide based on how much spotting I get before the actual flow. If there's a lot of spotting (like a day or 2) I'll go on cd 2 but if I just start with a regular flow, I'll go on cd 3. I should call the lab to find out the progesterone results. Yeah sure, I'll get right on that. Damn, I'm lazy. I love summer.

What a Relief!

I am now officially an alumni of City College of San Francisco! Woohoo!!!! Last night we had our graduation ceremony. The SF Fire Chief, Joanne Hayes-White, spoke at our graduation. That was kinda cool, but many of us were snickering about her past domestic problems from a couple of years ago. My dad and his wife came up from San Diego for the ceremony which really touched my heart. I wasn't planning on making much of a deal about this, but m dad wanted to come up for it and I had five tickets, so I invited two of my close friends to come too. It was kinda nice having people there to cheer for me. Some people didn't have any cheering, so it made me feel kinda special. I am so fucking relieved to be done with school for the summer! I am really excited to be starting a new school next fall. I'll be at San Francisco State provided that everything goes the way it's supposed to.

I am eagerly awaiting my fertility testing appointment on Tuesday. There can NOT be any rescheduling for this! I'm serious. Come hell or high water, I am GOING to that appointment.

More than anything else, I plan to enjoy my summer break to its fullest. I'll be working a lot, but I din't care because I won't have to worry about SCHOOL and HOMEWORK. *Sigh* it's good to be done.

I Must Be a Glutton for Punishment

I can't believe I agreed to babysit yesterday.On top of that, I had two babysitting jobs, back to back. What I really wanted to do was hide away from all the moms and kids at home. I further tortured myself by taking a cheapie hpt last night, which of course was negative. Today my breasts are less sore and getting smaller as the day goes on, so it's pretty safe to say that I'll be bleeding by tomorrow, Wednesday at the latest. For not being able to get pregnant, my body is way to damn predictable. Why is my stupid space bar not working today??? Anyway, I told G that my period will probably be here tomorrow. He hugged me when I got home and had some tears in his eyes. That probably breaks my heart more than anything else, seeing how hard it is for him too. My infertility appointment is 5/27. I had it scheduled for4/23 but had to reschedule because of Bren's surgery. I'm just waiting for the next thing to come up that will make me cancel this appointment too. After all, that's been the precedent so far. I have been waiting to get this testing done since DECEMBER. How much fucking longer is this bullshit going to take? I'm getting to the point where I just don't want to bother with any of it anymore.I don't want to think about it anymore. If my fucking space bar keepsthis shit up I'm going to throw the fucking computer down the fucking stairs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not as Bad as I Thought

I took Bren in to the vet this morning so she could get some ultrasounds and x-rays to see if there were any more tumors. Apparently the bump I found on her head is not a tumor, it's just a normal part of her body. So it's just the one lump on her side. The surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. The surgeon said that depending on the actual size and shape of the tumor once it's removed, they will either send it to the lab to be analyzed or just throw it away and be done with it.

So the biggest obstacle is going to be the cost. We have managed to be able to pool some money together from a couple of different sources. My dad is helping us out despite his reluctance, which I appreciate. One of the families I work for advanced me my pay for the next 3 weeks to help pay for it as well. We were also able to get a health care credit card that gave us an initial limit of $500 but may approve more credit in the next day or so. We'll be able to pull this off, even though it will be awfully tight.

My Poor Bren Dog

I just found out yesterday my poor sweet baby girl has cancer. We have no idea how we're going to pay for the surgeries and stuff, but we'll do whatever we can. Yesterday afternoon I found a lump on her left side underneath her front leg. The lump is about the size of a quarter. The vet had an opening at 5 pm yesterday so I took her on. They biopsied it and sure enough, it's cancer. This morning I found another lump on her head right by her right ear. They're mast cell tumors and these tumors have the ability to release histamines, so we have to give Bren some Benadryl and also Pepcid, but I'm not sure of the reason for the Pepcid.

So anyone who reads, this please think some good thoughts for Bren Dog. She needs all the good vibes she can get.

I Hate Being Married Sometimes

I'm either in school or working 45 hours a week and I have at least 5 hours of homework to do each week. G had the gall to ask me if I could take on more work since were broke right now. I said absolutely not and he got mad! Well, gee, asshole, maybe if you gave up the $50 hair cuts every other week, we'd have some extra money! I admit, I've spent money I didn't need to spend, but how dare he ask me to work more when I already have a full-up schedule and then get mad at me and tell me I need to stop spending money when he's every bit as guilty as I am! If he wants more money coming in, he needs to get a second job. He can be such a self-centered jerk sometimes!